ALL YOUR TOILET PAPER HAS BEEN INSPECTED BY ME PERSONALLY
says the sign outside of the palace. It is true, every roll of toilet paper is personally scrutinized, handled, tested, and licked by Lizardface herself. Every last piece of flimsy tissue you've squeezed between cheeks and into crevices and used to blow your nose and wipe up snot and blood and tears and pee and spills has had the rough tongue of Queen Lizardface lovingly run across it to make sure it is good enough for you. Just for you, personally.
"But how can it be for me when she does it to all toilet paper?" you wonder.
Can you accept that this act of total kindness is for your sake? It is the only thing in this whole world that is done for you. Wholly for you. Not for any kind of reciprocation, even emotional; in fact, your ingratitude is entirely assumed and expected, and yet Lizardface painstakingly examines and licks for you.
Just please, do me a favor and think of Lizardface's pure kindness the next time you use toilet paper. But that little flicker of cynicism and doubt in your heart—that tug that says no one, no one no matter how kind can truly give something totally to another—will make your next wipe a little scratchier, I bet. And I'm not going to say you don't deserve it.
"But how can it be for me when she does it to all toilet paper?" you wonder.
Can you accept that this act of total kindness is for your sake? It is the only thing in this whole world that is done for you. Wholly for you. Not for any kind of reciprocation, even emotional; in fact, your ingratitude is entirely assumed and expected, and yet Lizardface painstakingly examines and licks for you.
Just please, do me a favor and think of Lizardface's pure kindness the next time you use toilet paper. But that little flicker of cynicism and doubt in your heart—that tug that says no one, no one no matter how kind can truly give something totally to another—will make your next wipe a little scratchier, I bet. And I'm not going to say you don't deserve it.
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